


Crisis Muffins: The Aftermath

by flowersheep



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-19
Updated: 2017-08-19
Packaged: 2018-12-17 00:21:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11840100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flowersheep/pseuds/flowersheep
Summary: When Forridel had first started dating Balinor she'd been a little apprehensive about the fact that he had a son, even if Merlin was already twenty. Now she finds her boyfriend's relationship with his son a source of endless amusement.





	Crisis Muffins: The Aftermath

**Author's Note:**

> This started out as a little throwaway scene I wrote after posting [Crisis Muffins](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7226893) last year and I liked it enough to turn it into its own fic. I don't think it matters what order you read them in.
> 
> Also ignore the dramatic title I don't get enough sleep these days

Balinor barely took the time to get his shoes off before face planting on the bed.

Forridel rolled over and stared at him for several seconds. "So how'd that go?" she asked. A string of incomprehensible words was mumbled into the pillow. "I see."

Balinor turned his head towards her. “I said if this relationship works out we are not having any children,” he said. “Children are awful.”

Forridel raised her eyebrows at him. “Says a father.”

“Look,” Balinor started, “I love Merlin more than anything. More than I’ve ever loved Hunith, more than I love you, more than I ever have or ever will love anyone else. He means everything to me. But kids are a lifelong commitment. You can't ever just say 'oh I'm tired of being a parent' and fuck off. Raising a kid takes a lot of work and it doesn't end just because your kid is now an adult. Doing it once is more than enough for me."

“That’s fine,” Forridel said. “I’ve never wanted kids anyway." When Balinor frowned at her and opened his mouth she quickly added, "I don't mind Merlin, really I don't. I enjoy spending time with him and I definitely wouldn't still be here if I minded you having a kid. It's a huge plus that he's already all grown up."

"Not that you'd know it half the time," Balinor grumbled.

"Why don't you just have him call his mother next time."

Balinor thought about it for all of a second. "No," he decided, "no, that definitely wouldn't be wise. Hunith doesn't do well without her eight hours of sleep, believe me. She'd end up murdering one of her patients the next day at work. I, on the other hand, make my own hours and can therefore sleep in on nights where Merlin has made a stupid decision and needs to be talked down from his panic."

"You're installing new cabinets in someone's house tomorrow at nine," Forridel reminded him.

"...Fuck, that's right." Balinor sighed. "Well, that's why god invented coffee."

"Has Hunith ever told you that the amount of coffee you consume is probably unhealthy?"

"Yes."

"You don't think you should take the words of your ex-wife, who is a nurse, into consideration?"

"No, I definitely take them into consideration. I consider them and then I ignore them."

"You know, this is why you got divorced."

"You say that like I don't already know."

Forridel shook her head. "Honestly, sometimes I look at you and wonder how Merlin turned out as well as he did."

"So does Hunith. It probably is a good thing that he inherited a lot of his personality from her."

"Well, he did get a few decent things from you."

Balinor gave Forridel an offended look. “Decent? That’s all I get? Who do you think it was who spent two years changing wet and poopy diapers? Who got up at all hours of the night for feedings? Who potty trained the most stubborn toddler in the world? Who dealt with all the creep mums at playgroup-"

"Did you just call a bunch of mums creeps?" Forridel interrupted incredulously.

"Yes, I did," Balinor said, looking completely unrepentant.

"Don't you think that's a bit harsh."

"No. They were creeps. Hunith was skeptical at first too, but then she made time to come with me and Merlin to playgroup one day and saw with her own eyes the level of creep these mothers aspired to. She couldn't believe that they actually seemed to spend more time staring at my arse than watching their own kids."

Forridel’s eyebrows crept back towards her hairline. "They were staring? At your arse?"

“You say that like I don’t have a great arse.”

“I mean you do but there were seriously mums at playgroup staring at your arse?”

"Like I said, creeps."

"Was it, like, all the mums or just..."

"Just these three mums, actually. The rest were really nice. Two of the creep mums were single and looking for a family man and the third one was married, but looking to have an affair."

Forridel stared. "What the fuck? I can kind of understand the whole single and looking for a family man thing, although I would've thought your wedding ring would clue them in to the fact that you were unavailable."

"You would think, but apparently not."

"But who the fuck goes to playgroup looking for someone to have an affair with?"

"A creepy mum with a really weird fetish."

"What kind of fetish?"

"I don't know, I didn't ask, but either it had to do with some weird fetish or she was just really opportunistic and looked for potential affairs wherever she went. I tell you though, the look on all of their faces when Hunith walked up to them and introduced herself as my wife was amazing."

Forridel laughed. "What did she just walk up to them and say, 'Hi, I'm that hot dad's wife nice to met you'."

Balinor snorted. "Not in those words, but yes. Then she followed it up with something along the lines of, 'Please stop staring at my husband's arse all the time, it makes him uncomfortable and we would hate to have to stop bringing our son here after he's made so many friends'."

"I can totally picture her doing that.” Forridel considered something for a moment. “Why didn't you ever ask them to leave you alone?"

"I did! Apparently they all thought I was just playing hard to get. When I mentioned that to Hunith she said that now I had an idea of how women feel all the time. But anyway, that was my experience with playgroup. Weird place."

"No kidding. God, I'm glad we're not having kids."

"Like I said, they're awful." Balinor paused. "Well, except for my kid. He's great."

"Even when he wakes you up at the arse crack of dawn to deal with his latest crisis?"

"Even then."

"What was the latest crisis anyway? You haven't actually said."

"Merlin had sex."

Forridel burst out laughing. "He had to call you," she said sometime later, wiping tears from her eyes, "at ass fuck 'o clock in the middle of the night to tell you that he had sex?"

"No, no, it's who he had sex with," Balinor corrected. He made a thoughtful noise. "Probably who he's having sex with right now. Anyway, have you ever met Arthur Pendragon?"

"I don't think so. Maybe. What's he look like?"

"About Merlin's height, blond hair, blue eyes."

"I think he was at some kind of get together? Like one of those summer garden party things Hunith throws so you guys can at least pretend you know who your child is friends with these days. Is that who Merlin had sex with?"

"Yes. This is significant because up until tonight Merlin thought Arthur was straight."

"Ah. I'm guessing he's not?"

"Typically, straight guys don't have sex with their male friends in bathrooms in strip clubs."

"God." Forridel shook her head and blinked a few times, like she was trying to see something in the dark of their bedroom. "I just can't picture Merlin at a strip club. He seems too sweet for that kind of scene, you know? I mean he almost struck me as shy when I first met him."

"Okay, you need to go through his photos on facebook. There will be no unseeing him in nothing but leather pants and glitter and from that point on you will have no trouble picturing Merlin letting his friends convince him to go to a strip club."

"I cannot believe you have seen a picture of your child in nothing but leather pants and glitter."

"Neither can I. No secrets in this family, apparently. Anyway, everyone, including Arthur himself, has been assuming that Arthur is straight. But after the whole having sex with Merlin in the bathroom of a strip club- god I know too much about my son's sex life- but after that Arthur came to the realization that he might not be all that straight and Merlin was having a freak out because he'd thought that he had no chance with Arthur and was now extremely confused about whether or not that was true and then Arthur came to Merlin's flat and ended up confessing that he's been suppressing his attraction to men for years out of fear of his homophobic father, which was when I decided maybe I should leave them to talk things out by themselves and long story short they're probably either having a good long conversation about where to go from here or just banging things out in Merlin's bedroom."

"Wow." Forridel reached over and gave Balinor's shoulder a few conciliatory pats. "Did he bake anything?"

"That's all you have to say?" Balinor sighed. "Yes, he was baking when I got there and yes, I brought some of it home with me."

"Good." At Balinor's eye roll she said, "Look, I'm sure I'll have more to say about Merlin's potential new boyfriend tomorrow, but it's late, I'm tired, and you're installing cabinets in someone's kitchen at nine AM tomorrow."

Balinor groaned. "Stop reminding me of that."

“I’m just saying, we should probably go to sleep. Tomorrow we can go out for lunch and discuss the sordid details of Merlin’s love life. For now, sleep.” Forridel laid her head back down on her pillow and closed her eyes. A few minutes of silence passed. She snorted.

“I’m trying to imagine Merlin in nothing but leather pants and glitter,” she admitted.

“Whatever you’re imaginging I promise it doesn’t do the actual picture justice,” came Balinor’s half asleep reply.

Forridel snorted again. She would definitely have to remind him to show her that tomorrow. Maybe over lunch while they were discussing the sordid details of Merlin’s love life.

**Author's Note:**

> This could probably use some additional editing but I've been doing nothing _but_ editing recently and also editing will just become an excuse to never post this monstrosity.


End file.
